What do you say when you lose a friend with no explanation of how?

I decided to trust in God.
I went home to attend the funeral of one of the youth members of West Houston Church of Christ. When I looked in the casket and saw the caked makeup of where the bullet went in.... I had no one to put my trust in, but God. No one can possibly make anything right in a moment like that. In a moment where all you believed about someone is being questioned, a moment when you remember all the good times that made your life happy, a moment where you wonder about all the other people in the room and what they are feeling. I couldnt help anyone else. I felt so helpless. Im sitting there watchig my best friend's break down into tears. I had to hold up my volleyball coach when she almost collapsed looking at the student who hit on her everyday in advisory.

So many things ran through my mind. Why would he choose to do something so irrational? I floated back and forth between sadness and anger. I didnt know what to feel. I was lost.

Then I had to drive to another funeral. My dad's woman coach and my junior high coach. I sat there in an African American Church and got touched more by the preacher then I had by my own preacher. That preacher gave me peace about Arnold. I will still miss him.

We can eat organic food, we can run until our legs wont move anymore, we can get all the checkups we can afford. But the truth is, God is going to take us when he wants us. He wanted Arnold... he needed Arnold. And I refuse to argue with God's needs.

Things are changing in my life. My mentor is moving, there are things going on with friends, and there are people leaving my life for good, but I will not run from God. I will run to God and embrace hom with open arms.