So well, here we go again. I hate to write this, but right now it seems that everything big going on in my life is horrible. But really, it isnt keeping me down... Im sad, but I kinda cut the sad points into a corner so it doesnt distract me from the good parts of my life.

So Karla is moving. In 2 weeks and 2 days. I am NOT at all excited. This Sunday morning was super super emotional for me. Her husband, has led singing in our church for a while. And this Sunday was the last Sunday he led it. Let me tell you, sitting there on the second row with Karla was the hardest thing emotionally Ive had to do recently. We are extremely close. This is KILLING me, literally. I hate it. And I rarely use the word hate. Its a strong word and I dont say it unless I truly detest something. This move, I destest with all of myself. Sad, huh?

Kerry came over to me and hugged me and told me that he loved me. I kinda felt it after that, but I tried to fight the tears for as long as physically possible. Well, the thing is....when communion came around it kinda hit me. I was sitting next to one third of my influences that helped me hrough the rough times and led me to want to give my heart to God. She had the toughest job of it too. Right after Belinda Smith (another third) died from breast cancer. I didnt think I would EVER bounce back. I was sad all the time and I was so confused on how God could take someone like that. And before I even got on the phone with my small group leader from Kadesh, Kathy. Karla was on the phone tellling me that we were going to Starbucks after the viewing and we were going to talk about stuff. I wont forget how she sat there after that funeral and held me as I cried. She just understood. She understood me and she still does more than a lot of people do. Thats what makes this so flippin hard.

Then one of our elders announced that we were going to listen to the first have of "Your Grace still amazes me" by Phillips, craig, and Dean. Well, my best friend and I cry to that song since her family moved to Kansas. But, this time. I was standing next to Karla and Kerry was up there singing his last song and it seriously started coming from all directions. I didnt know what to do. I wanted to not cry because I knew Karla would see me. So when we were listening to it I was sitting there with my head in my hands trying to hide the tears. Then Kerry said "stand up" and everyone stood. So I stood with tears literally streaming of my face. Karla and I just stood there and once again, she held me like she always does and we both cried.

I dont think either of us is completely ready for this. I thought I was ready. I thought I had prepared myself for the hurt my heart is feeling right now. But it hurts more than I thought. I dont know how to stop it, but I refuse to let it take me anywhere past sadness. Karla has been so busy selling the house here and buying a house there that I dont really think she has had time to stop and breathe....much less realize all that wis about to change. But I think after Sunday, we both got a HUGE knock of reality.

I refuse to let this bring me down. I will noot forget about it and Im sure it will bring tears for a long time, but I will put it in it's little corner and I will refuse to let is affect ANYTHING else in my life. If you ask me how Im doing. You will probably get a, "Good". Not a, I am lost, life stinks, blah blah blah... because life doesnt stink. You know what else that song brought to my mind? That there is so much that God does that still amazes me. His grace amazes me in so many aspects of my life. And God gives and takes away. Im just lucky that he chose to give me Karla when he did... no matter how long it was for. I was the Lucky One.

I will continue to pray for me AND Karla and Kerry. I hope you will do the same. Especially for them. They are moving halfway across the country, and although they are super excited about it.... its going to be a huge change for them. Please pray for them.