Where are you now? I mean, I know where you are, but is it everything you taught us as we sat in the yellow plastic chairs around the table in Sunday school? Are you sitting on clouds looking after everyone you loved? That's a huge job, Belinda....you loved a lot of people. But, I know you are watching us all...huge jobs never intimidated you. You are missed down here more than you ever could imagine. Your words of wisdom, your smile, and your laugh...I want them back.

Three years have flown by so fast without you. The pink bracelet I wear on my right wrist gives me a daily reminder of who you urged me to become. God puts you in my thoughts daily, and I am glad he does---the last thing I would want to do is to forget you. The thoughts and prayers you surrounded me with three years ago acted like a plastic bubble for my life. I felt safe and I knew three times a week I could count on your arms wrapped around me, whether the reason be good or bad.

I try not to think about how my life would be different if you were still here. I like to think I would be the same person, but in my heart, I know I could be a better person. Ive tried to hold tight to the teachings you taught, but sometimes emotions get the better and I forget. I know some of the heartbreaks would have been easier, my experience at A&M would have been more enlightened, and there would have been a few more laughs.

Did you know that some said I went off the deep end when you died? I like to think that I just put my everything into things that didnt make me remember how much I missed you. I let volleyball take over my life for that year. I let pretty much everything take over my life that year. It hurt too much to remember, but I didnt want to forget, either.

Cancer isnt fair. Cross Canadian Ragweed puts it as, "if only love could be the cure for cancer." If that was true, you would still be here, of that I am sure.



I imagine right now you sitting at one of Lorn's baseball games cheering loud as you sit next to all of your friends. They miss you. I miss you. The world misses you, Belinda.

I love you.

Belinda Smith 07.17.04