I realized I have not written anything on here in about a month, so I decided to drop a quick line.

I havent written on here in so long because it has kind of been a rough few weeks. I have been battling an emotional uphill climb that I can in no was describe or find a reason for. It has been the scariest, exhausting, and weird time I have had. I havent been sleeping and I havent been eating as much as I should, which is not good.

My mom told me a long time ago to go to the doctor, but I never went because I didnt want to and I just chalked it up to her not being here so she couldnt really see what was going on and I knew I was going to be okay in the long run. Well, Shelly finally freaked one night after I spent the night at her house and coerced me into making a dr appointment. I have refused medication thus far and am trying other things to get my emotions back in balance...we will see how that goes.

A counselor has told me that I have to let things go and stop looking for a reason and just let my "body tell me what it is trying to tell me". If you know me, you know this is a difficult thing for me because there is a reason for everything----especially when I feel like I am losing my mind. She also said things about finding out who I am for me and by myself not attached to anyone. So I have become the typical college student and stopped calling home everyday---something that is SO hard for me right now. I am just working and schooling and trying to relax. I have been forced to work less hours for the past week and although i dont like the paycheck that comes out of that break, it may be good for me---who knows at this point? My mom and aunt came down last weekend and it was good to see them, but I have been in the loner stage recently and it was hard not to just hang out in my room and do nothing---by myself. I havent really been hanging out much with people after school and work besides club events...but I am definitely going to fix that this week and end my break of all things social.

Life will get better, I know it will. I just want to know why and I want to know how to fix it so it will get better a lot faster. I do find myself wishing my parents were here, but I also know that maybe a small step from the sheltered life I once led may be a good thing for me---maybe it is just a step to full fledged adulthood. Im not by myself here---Shelly is amazing and my other friend from work, Sarah Doug is hilarious. But they also know sometimes I just want to sit there and gaze off into space and not talk. Silence has been golden for me recently and it is something I dont think I will ever again take for granted.