So I don't even know if anyone reads this, since I hardly write on here anymore. Really when only big things pop up in my life.
And i guess this is big... I am planning on taking the certification test to become a High School history teacher!!!
When I graduated high school, that was my original plan. I was very influenced by my high school history teachers and learned many life lessons as well has history lessons. The teacher that influenced me the most in high school and has remained a very very very close friend was Theresa Douglas. Now, I am allowed to call her Theresa since I have a college diploma, but that hasent really worked out and she is still Mrs. Doug to me. She and her husband came to so many volleyball game, spent so many hours on AIM with me during the summer, sent so many texts and emails through college, and supported me in all I did. On my way back from Abilene on New Year's Eve, I got a call from Theresa... I thought it was going to be a "be careful there may be ice and we dont like the idea of you driving on it" call. But when I answered, she was on the other end crying. She asked me if I was driving and I said, "Yes", she told me I needed to pull over, but then quickly changed her mind to me calling when I got back in Houston. I knew something wasent right and I started thinking of all our common friends that could be hurt, or worse. After a couple of texts saying she was freaking me out, and responses back telling me not to worry because she was fine, I was sill high strung and had 3 more hours to drive. Finally, I got a call from my good friend, Sarah Douglas who also had Theresa in school and was introduced to me her freshman year at ACU by our common mentor. "Have you talked to anyone from CyFalls (my HS)?" After using choice words and yelling, Sarah finally told me that Rich, Theresa's husband, had passed away unexpectedly. I swerved over to the shoulder, almost cutting off another car and LOST it. I now knew why Theresa didn't tell me... she knew how I would react and knew I would not be in a safe state to drive the rest of the way. After minutes of bawling, I called my mom who calmed me down enough to be able to call Theresa and let her know that I had found out. I made that second half of my drive faster than I ever had and ever will make it again. It was not safe and it was not the best choice, but above all--- I KNEW I needed to get to Theresa. I did and one of the roughest weeks of my life started. What do you say to a 37 year old woman who's 36 year old husband just died unexpectedly? How do you choke back your own tears when your heart is breaking for the man that was as close to being a father as anyone BUT my father? How do you remain the rock when the person who was your rock for 8 years is crumbling? I answered all these questions and cried in my own time and emersed myself in the visitation, my words about Rich in front of many people, the funeral, the reception, Theresa, and most of all--- taking over her classes.

I have now been a high school economics teacher for 8 days and i have at least 4 more. And when I mean a teacher--- I mean, I teach these children. Theresa has made no plans and does not need to. I have found out in these past 8 days that I CAN be a HS teacher and I am going to try my hardest. I still love elementary. And honestly, if I don't get an offer at Cy-Falls, I don't see taking a HS position over an elementary position for a while. But, if I could work with the people that touched my life for so long....and still do, I know I will be the lucky one.

As for my walk right now... I'm exhausted. Some nights I cry, some nights I remember the good times and the hugs. I never know what the next day will bring--- and honestly, I believe that is the way it is suppose to be. I never WANTED to end up in Houston. I remember talking to Rich about that, and his answer always was, "We don't know why now, but God has a plan for you here and you are needed here." I can't tell you the pain it brings my heart when Theresa tells me, "Now we know why you are here. I need you." I wish she didn't need me. I wish he was still here. I wish he got to screen boyfriends, like he looked so forward to doing. I wish I still walked out of CyFalls from subbing and saw him there with his little midget car waiting for his wife, but coming with open arms, amazing hugs, and words of wisdom. I wish I could see his face. And I miss him.

Now, I do the best I can teaching and attempt to make the transition back to school easier for Theresa. I am working my butt off and feeling the rewards with her smiles, her thanks, and high fives and good grades from my kids. I hurt when they don't do their best and I rejoice when they do something they didn't expect... I don't know what else tells you that you are ready to be a teacher besides those feelings right there.




Rest up and look out for us, Rich. I miss you and love you.