This weekend was not an easy one for me.
It brought to my attention that sometimes I put way to much effort and my heart into friendships.
I have known that I tend to put more into friendships than I get out of them. It could be considered a flaw. This weekend, I definitely considered it a flaw that hit way too close to home. I have come to find with this flaw, I often get hurt and break down. And now that I have accepted this downfall, I know the only people I can trust all the time are my parents. It's a hard reality, but one I have got to face.

I have chosen to step back from most of my friendships, especially the long distance ones, to reevaluate how I destine myself for disappointment. I still have acquaintances here in Abilene, enough to not allow me to seclude myself every day.

I know it is going to be a long, hard, quiet road, but I think it is something I need to do in order to have sanity and stable friendships in the future.

I just heard this song on Grey's and I just think it is pretty amazing. The woman singing it is Patty Griffin. Kelly Clarkson did a cover of it, but covers are never as good.

I hope you enjoy it

So many people are writing about their "bests of 2007". I have no freaking clue. Now, if you asked me about my favorite job...that would be easy. Or the class that took the most of my free time due to studying...even easier. But favorite book, movie, or even song would all have answers crammed in from my 10 week stay in Portland this summer, the place I surprisingly had the most free time.

Last night, I made it back home after a 10 day stay in Portland. It was an amazing trip and flew by so fast...time always does up there...maybe those Oregonians should get that checked out. Knowing that I will not get to go back til July or August made leaving difficult, but as I get told every time I leave, "you will survive". It was so fun to get to hang out with so many great friends, kids, and in such a fabulous city.
Of course, I would like to thank the Whites, Grauls, VDKs, Kristi Beeman, and Cheronn for letting me crash in their houses on different nights. Its such and amazing feeling to me that makes me know I belong.

Some highlights of me week and a half trip:

-Falling asleep on my first night with one twin girl on each arm...only to realize after about 30 min that I could not feel either arm.
-PUMP on Sunday. I mean, really...it's amazing and indescribable.
-Allan White's amazing cooking...big props, man.
-Learning parenting skills from all the families I stayed with...if I move there, and have kids...they will be great.
-Wednesday night pure worship at the Tucker's. Simply the best singing ever.
-Sitting next to one of my best friends and closing my eyes and hearing her sing and feeling absolute comfort.
-The sense of accomplishment I had after taking all three of the White children to see Alvin and the Chipmunks, and not having to call their parents for back up.
-Fiona not crying when she came to me...and actually WANTING me to hold her.
-Trinity's permanent spot in my lap.
-PUMP Children's laughter.
-Trying to help Lori understand that the problem of finding jeans long enough and skinny enough for Anna will probably last her whole life.
-Riding in silence with Cheronn...which with anyone else would have been totally awkward for me.
-Future life plan discussions with Kristi Cash White.
-Karla's potato casserole.
-IKEA with Cheronn, eventhough I was not impressed by PDX IKEA.
-Transformers at the Graul's.
-The White's trust for me with their children and their car.
-The incredible joy I got from tickling all the VDK girls.
-Being known as, "Texas Girl" by Cheronn's volleyball team...hey gotta be known for something, right?
-Watching crabs eat a bird with a broken wing, on TV, in the girls' eye dr. with Casey Nell.
-The "Taco Bell" adventure with Kristi B.
-Playing volleyball for the first time in a while.
-Reading, "Elmo says Achoo" with Fiona about 10 times this morning alone, and more in the previous week.
-Connors amazing ability to read and to figure things out on his own.
-Joe's laughter when I called him "Best friend"
-The amazing feeling that no matter what I do, I have people up there that love me and want the best for me.
-Me and Lori's conversation around her "fireplace" at 1 in the morning.
-And most importantly, not feeling like I have to impress anyone when I go to church on Sunday morning to worship God.


Once again, thanks for the amazing visit. Every time I come back, it makes me more sure of what I want to do after graduation.