I heard this song the other day and it is pretty much amazing to me right now... its by Brooks and Dunn and it is called, "Believe" if you want to look it up...

"Old man Wrigley lived in that white house
Down the street where i grew up
Momma used to send me over with things
We struck a freindship up
I spent a few long summers out on his old porch swing

Says he was in the war when in the navy
Lost his wife, lost his baby
Broke down and asked him one time
How ya keep from going crazy
He said I'll see my wife and son in just a little while
I asked him what he meant
He looked at me and smiled, said

(Chorus)
I raise my hands, bow my head
I'm finding more and more truth in the words written in red
They tell me that there's more to life than just what i can see
Oh i believe

Few years later i was off at college
Talkin' to mom on the phone one night
Getting all caught up on the gossip
The ins and outs of the small town life
She said oh by the way son, old man Wrigley's died.

Later on that night, i laid there thinkin' back
Thought 'bout a couple long-lost summers
I didn't know whether to cry or laugh
If there was ever anybody desevred a ticket to the other side
It'd be that sweet old man who looked me in the eye, said

(Chorus)
I raise my hands, bow my head
I'm finding more and more truth in the words written in red
They tell me that there's more to life than just what i can see

I can't quote the book
The chapter or the verse
You can't tell me it all ends
In a slow ride in a hearse
You know I'm more and more convinced
The longer that i live
Yeah, this can't be
No, this can't be
No, this can't be all there is

(Chorus)
When I raise my hands, bow my head
I'm finding more and more truth in the words written in red
They tell me that there's more to life than just what i can see
I believe
Oh, I
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe"



And I do believe. I believe that things are going the way they are planned to be. I tried to make a concious effort to feel this way. To put all the hurt and pain of things of this past year behind me. And doing that didnt seem to work. It seemed to me to be a forceful thing when it should turn out to be something that just happens. The tears and sometimes lost feeling is still there. A lot...and it will be...I know. But I also know that people move away and things at college happened for a reason. And in everything that has happened and will happen...I will raise my hands and I will bow my head and I will continue to put my trust in my Lord and Savior to be beside me through these times and trials. I know He will be. I survived first semester with so many trials and I know in order to do that, He was standing right there over my shoulder. He had to be.


Thats all for now. I hope that you all have a Merry Christmas. Will be a kinda rough one for me---my best friend is in Kansas til the 29th and Karla is in Portland, well, forever. But Im going to stay close to my family and my friends that are here and I know it will be a fun filled Christmas. I always love when Christmas falls on a Sunday. Church on Christmas is one of the best things of all time...

*Sometimes we hold on to the things God himself is trying to tear apart* --Diary of a Mad Black Woman

That is my thought for the day.

About to go take my oceanography final. Its my hardest class this semester. Im a history/ english person so science has never been my strong point. I have studied for 13 hours in the past day for this test. If I dont pass----- I will not be able to control my actions. Just Kidding. But after today, finals will be good. History tomorrow...EASY... then Wednesday I have English and Precal...we get to use otes in Pre Cal and we can take notes on the english topic so basically all I will have to do is form my notes into one essay.... SWEET!!!

Have a great week!!!

I made it through Sunday service with tons of tears, but at least I made it. God HAD to have been there or I would not have made it through. Songs make me cry the most, I miss Karla singing them. I miss being next to her when she hit those high notes (PERFECTLY) and looking at her and smiling and saying...I love it when you do that. Or when she was on Praise Team and she hit those notes and me running up to her after being like, " I LOVE IT...I LOVE IT" and her clasping her hand over my mouth and SHHHHHHHing me.... she is an amazing singer and it makes her more amazing that she doesnt flaunt it...

I miss it... .soooooooo much.....I miss her, even more. Tears come....a lot....

Still got anger and sadness about it. And i know church will not be an easy thing for a long time. I mean, when my best friend's family left...I cried in EVERY church service (and that was when i went 3 times a week) for a month. And I only knew them for 8 months when they left. Ive known Karla for 13 years....I may be crying for YEARS....eh, whatever.. .Im ready to go through all the pain because I know I will come out of this with a stronger relationship on God....

Im just sitting here in my dorm until I decide if I want breakfast or not.... Ive lost 15 pounds since Ive goten here...and kept it off...and Im working out...so its isnt muscle loss...so guess how the food is from that statement....

Anyways....First, ill answer your question, Chad...ACU is going full steam ahead. I sent in my application. Since my spiritual recommendation just moved to Portland, it may take a week to get sent, but hey, it will get sent...she wont forget. She wants me to go to ACU more than anyone....so Im not worried about it.

Other stuff.... I have felt so useless at school this week. I got lucky, this has been one of the hardest emotional weeks for me with this move. But LUCKILY I only have one test and two quizzes this week. And they are all on different days. So it doesnt matter that I have sat around here this whole week doing nothing. Because there really isnt anything to do. I really only had one real thing to study for. My precal quiz was open notes. And I never got lower than a C on my Psych test...so I dont really study for those. All I need to study for is my Oceanography quiz on Friday. SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO thankful....

Yeah, so the moving truck left yesterday. Stinks thats all I could think about yesterday. But, oh well...Im kinda glad that part of it is over. Church Sunday will be hard to go to...wont have the annual Saturday night email in between us....but it will take some getting use to. Im kinda thankful that Im down here. I didnt have to watch that white Camary drive down Whispering Star Court...fifnt have to actually watch them leave. And let me tell you, that is a good thing. I probably would have lost it. I miss them already. They should be leaving Waco around now.....maybe a little later. Yeah, they are driving the whole way to Portland, weird, huh? Oh well...they wont get to Portland til Monday sometime. HAHA PORTLAND..YOU DONT HAVE THEM YET!!!

Ive been looking at plane tickets. I think Im going to Portland for half of Spring Break. It will be excellent. It all depends on if Karla will be in Texas or not. Even if she is in Texas...I will still get to see her. Im excited. It helps to have something to look forward to. Anyways the hat falls...I will see Karla at Spring Break at the latest....soooooooo excited. And then, my best friend's family is coming in from Kansas that week too.....so it will pretty much be the most amazing Spring Break ever!!!

I feel like I should be more sad. And trust me, when i go to bed at night.....it all comes out. But Ive decided not to let myself really dwell on it during the day. Because it gets my whole day down. At least, when I get sad and cry at night...I wake up the next day fresh....so thats my plan for as long as it still hurts....

"But I trust in you, O LORD;
I say, "You are my God."
-Psalms 31:14