So, I remember when i saw a 17 year old girl at Astroworld cowering behind her mother while being chased by one of the Halloweenfest goblins...
Oh dang, that was ME.
Yes, folks, I DO NOT do Halloween, cant remember doing it since my Poppa had a stroke (age 5). If anything I only trick Or Treated, but NOTHING else.
That story? Yes I was 17 years old, six feet tall, and trying to hide behind my 5'6 mother as I bawled my eyes out. The after finding a bench, burying my head in her chest for the remainder of the night.

So why did I become one of those scary people last night? I had to sign up for my club to help out our brother club in their fundraiser (a haunted island).
I dont think I was the scariest of people, because I remembered how scared I was when I went though stuff like that. My ax seemed to scare people enough. I just held onto it and stared at people. Scary enough, but easy enoough to back off if I saw a kid was starting to cry.


Some reactions to out little spook:
(high school boy to his girlfriend) "Keep it real, FOR REAL CASEY"
(Big man responding to my ax): "Its going to be okay, just put down the ax...you dont have to use it...."
(Same man in response to us yelling, "get off our island"): "I pay taxes, this is my island too!!!!"
(Girl in response to the dark room): "Someone is going to jump out at me i know it...AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
I hated it. Especially since I was there from 3 in the afternoon until 2am (the NEW 2 am...after time falling back).

Yikes it was no bueno, but Im done now. And you all know how I feel about Halloween....

Well, college wise...

I am switching my major to elementary education.
I despise history now and I dont know how much of it I could deal with. Eventhough my ultimate plan is to become an administrator at a school, I want to be happy when I am in the classroom.

And after this summer, I am convinced that I will be happier in elementary education instead of High Svchool History.


That is all--Im on my way to get it all changed now :)

Hopefully, the way I have it scheduled out on this paper next to me, I can still graduate on time and do PSP too!!!(by taking a few online summer classes)

Today we have bigger houses and smaller families
More conveniences, but less time
We have more degrees, but less common sense.
More knowledge, but less judgement
We have more experts, but more problems
More medicene, but less wellness
We spend too recklessly
Laugh too litle
Drive too fast
Get too angry too quickly
Stay up too late
Read too little
Watch TV too much
Pray too seldom
We have multiplied possesions, but reduced our values
We talk too much, love too little, and lie too often
We've learned how to make a living, but not a life
We've added years to life, but not life to years
We have taller buildings, but shorter tempers
Wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints
We spend more, but have less
We've been all the way to the moon nand back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet our neighbors
We've conquered outer space
We've split the atom
But not our prejudice
We write more, learn less, plan more, but accomplish less
We've learned to rush, but not to wait
We have higher incomes, but lower morals
We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies
But have less communications, we are long on quantity, but less on quality
These are the times of fast food and slow digestion
Tall men and short character
More leisure and less fun, more kinds of food, but less nutrition
Two incomes, but more divorce
Fancier houses, but broken homes.

Yeah, everytime I read that it makes me think deep thoughts.
Oh and watch this music video----its a good one.

Geez, so I definitely will NOT be making the drive home often, it is HORRIBLE :(
But anywho----this weekend was Fall Break (aka you get Friday off...) So me and Emily (a friend a pledged with who also wants to work for all of you cool folks this summer)drove to Houston at 7 am Friday morning (we had late classes on Thursday and just decided to leave Friday). We got to houston at like 1:30ish. Stopped by Susans house....then went to my house for all of two seconds...then went to the HS volleyball game. This weekend was my HS homecoming and so it was cool how that worked out. Then we went to my house to meet my parents for dinner, but my mom had a problem with work, so we couldnt go eat. We just went to the HS football game and then ate after that. I definitely miss CyFair ISD football----its like the best district for football.
Saturday we slept til noon and did NOTHING. Which was excellent for both of us since we had been pledging for a month. We did movies and just hung out with my parents. My brother and his fiance came over for a MARVELOUS dinner of chicken :) and then we watched Madea with them...
Sunday we went to church, ate steak and baked potatos :), and hung out for about an hour then we left. Thought I may make a pit stop in Dallas, bu it didnt work out---and that may have been for the best because it would have make the trip 7 hours instead of 6...and i was exhuasted just from 6 hours...

Home is good...home is AMAZING. I miss it, but I love it here in Abilene. The new friends I met with club are proving to be a blessing to me.

Sadly, with how it is looking right now, Portland may not happen in January like I had hoped. People in Abilene are only hiring if you can work Christmas break, and I may get one of those jobs if worse comes to worse, but it would knock out all my plans to go to Portland. This really really makes me super sad, but my only hope is to find a waitressing job (which I am looking for), or beg my parents to pay for half of the plane ticket and ask family for money for Christmas to pay the rest....so we will have to see. Im kinda devestated about it, because it would have really been nice to come because it was halfway in between August and June, when I will come back. But if I can come, I cant come... eventhough I am sad, I cant freak out about it.


Really that is all right now. School and finding a job. I need one BBBAAAADDDDDD

If you are reading this. The probability of me missing you is like 90%

So, I am a GATA now. It is a great feeling because I know I am so overwhelmingly ready to sleep and go home to see my parents and spend more time on school work.
I am so glad that I have a new official group of friends. It is great to just be cool with them and not be "under" them anymore.
Here are some pictures, after four weeks and dues....you get a lot :)


This is me and my Big!!!!

Just a closesup of me and my diamond!!!!

Me and our President, Becca, matching on my first Jersey day :)

Dancing with my new great friend, Emily....shes going to apply to be an intern at PUMP this summer :)

Knee:
Yes, in these pictures I aam wearing my knee brace. I still am, but I am off of crutches. It is an amazing feeling to walk on my own for the first time in a month!!!

I think that is really all for now. Nap time :) I LOVE being a college student...haha

This is Sarah at Homecoming:

Cheronn says Im, "one of those club girls now". Im pretty sure Im suppose to hate this picture, but I actually really like it. Im definitely glad that my Sing Song face isnt going to be terribly embarrasing. I actually adore it :)




Well, I am glad that homecoming is officially over. No more late nights working of float, no more stressing about serving breakfast to over 100 past GATAs (dating back to 34), and hopefully headed back to the road of consistent sleeping patterns.

It was fun, really. I did have a good time. We had our float....it looked like this...

The theme this year was "ACU 101" so really, we had the best float. I didnt get to march behind the float, for obvious reasons, so I rode in the bed of the truck with the two float directors and the President of our club. It was fun times.

That is me throwin up the GATA Diamond with our President, Becca



Then, we had the football game. Here is a picture of yours truly sitting and gaurding the GATA letters

Cant really say that was amazing. Usually people switch off at quarters, but I wasent about to walk in those heels around the stadium. So I sat there the whole game. And it was a little chilly, but hey, I got to show dedication to the letters of red and white :)
(P.S.) My hair usually looks a lot better than that...just picture the wind :)



Had to hit up pain meds today because I crutched around on those heels all day. I really have been wanting to wear them since I hurt myself. The outfit just isnt complete with a pair of black flip flops :(

I came home and CRASHED after the game. My knee is killing, but I showed dedication and the old GATA's gave me props and it felt good :)

Pledging is suppose to be over this week. Then I will go home for Fall Break. I cannot wait. I miss home. But I dont want to go back all the time. Just when I get that longing.....and I have it. I am taking one of my friends home with me, she is pledging with me. And she actually wants to come to PDX this summer too....shes a good kid, I like her a lot.

Well, that is all for now, Ill probably post more this week.
Miss you all

Friday night.
11 o clock at night.
New education building.
Parking lot lights barely shining trhough the windows.
Me on the tile floor looking up at one of the most beautiful women of my life.
The last place I had to turn.

So, a lot has been going on in my life. Most of it is probably magnified in my eyes by stress and lots and lots of pain medication. But still, to me, it seems like a lot.
I didnt want to talk WITH anybody. I could have...parents, Cheronn....but I wanted ME time. So I turned to the place I always could, Belinda. She was always a listener and whenever I think about it, I know deep in my heart what she would say. But the best part is, I know HOW she would say it.

As I sat there head in my hands tears flowing...I realized...one of Belinda's most emphasized teachings to me. Faith. It definitely reminded me of my favorite Michael Card song...


"To hear with my heart,
To see with my soul,
To be guided by a hand I cannot hold,
To trust in a way that I cannot see,
That's what faith must be."

As I looked into the wonderful blue eyes, that comforted me so many times before, I knew what had to be done. And it has always been one of the hardest things for me do to...put my trust in someone that I cannot see, and in that....comes growing up as a person of my own.

Two hours after I sat down, I stood up with a new plan for my life.

I have to become me. When I become me in Christ, things will fall in place. I miss things that I dont have with me in Abilene, and I strongly believe the reason I am here is so I can learn to stand on my own. It will be the hardest thing I have ever had to do. From the outside, many would see me wanting to get away from home, grow as myelf without my parents, but truthfully, I have been like a small child clinging for dear life to my mommy and daddy's pant legs. Even after Friday, my heart hurts to know what has to be done, but at 20....seriously, it was coming.

So things have been hard. I miss Portland more than I can express. I felt loved there and it was amazing for me because those people had to obligation to love me. They had only known me for a short period of time, and could have written me off. But many of them loved and cared for me. And some of them invested so much time and love into me (and still are) that I have no other yearning this summer than to go back, and hopefully bless some of the kids of PSP and PUMP the way that I was blessed. My heart longs for that next summer. But, it has been suggested to me and I agree, that maybe I should file PUMP away for a little while. I promise, it will not stop my longing to come next summer, and I will never forget this summer. But, if I sit here and wish all the time that I was in Portland, my life in Abilene will not be happy, because I will not let it. This was some of the hardest advice I have gotten, because it is something I definitely do not want to take, but I know it is best if I do. It hurts to file away PUMP, but it is in the top drawer as the very first file.

People change, it is something that I remember Belinda telling me when she was alive. I have realized that with someone I love a lot. It hurt me for a while and I cant allow that to happen anymore. I have to get to know the new person and love her for who she is now. And I will do it for the sake of friendship.

I miss Karla. She was always marvelous with stuff like this. Especially when it piled up. And eventhough we email and stuff, it isnt the same as her being here. Instead of being 6 hrs of road away she is 4 hrs of air. Iits hard, but another way for me to grow on my own two feet.

I miss Cheronn. Its amazing to have someone invest so much time and love from 2500 miles away. And the amazing thing is, she doesnt have to. She hasent known me my whole life, she isnt related to me, and she sure as heck isnt getting any big reward. And I think that is the greatest thing to me. I love talking to her, but as both of our lives have gotten buys, phone calls have gotten farther apart. It would be easy if she was here. Super easy. I thank God for giving me her, but I also praise him for bringing me back to Texas, for two years at least.


Belinda was always there for me and it is just amazing to have her face in the building where I will spend most of my time in the next 2.5 years. I miss her so much because she was always the one that I could talk to and cry to and praise to. And she took it all and came back with some word of extreme wisdom.

Life will be good from now on.
I just needed time to me.
And I needed to open nmy ears to God
And Belinda, who I know is always right :)

P.S. Knee is okay, but I couldnt walk today because I decided to walk on it for a long time Friday night and Saturday all day. Im a moron.

I miss everyone

So I was browsing through my files last night and came across this one that Chelsea took with her camera this summer.


HILARIOUS


Get this video and more at MySpace.com

Okay, I have been asked about my last post by a few people.

I am in no way depressed or even close right now. I am just on the verge of confusion. I have the tendency of making expectations of things before I embark on them. And as I set out to come here, I didnt think I would join a club this semester. So, obviously, my expectations were a lot different than what I am actually experiencing. And then stress on top of that....being expected to be perfect by over 20 girls is stressful...and Im not use to it.

Im just going through changes. Give me 11 days and I am sure things will be better. If it doesnt automatically get better, I will put forth a HUGE effort to make it that way. I can see my parents in 17 days and it will be good. I only plan on going home Fall Break and Christmas. I will see my family on Thanksgiving, but I dont go home...I go to Oklahoma. Im not trying to make huge efforts to go home at every possible opprotunity because before I came here, I made the goal that this is the year I will become more mature and stop running home whenever I get sad. I miss my parents, a lot. But I have to grow up sometimes and it just seems that now is the best time.

Sometimes, I think that maybe my pain medication makes me have these, what seem to be, irrational and not me thoughts. I didnt have them before I hurt my knee and I had been pledging/ stressing/ not getting sleep for a week. But my knee still hurts SUPER bad so I keep taking them. They also make me take good, long naps :)

I went to Physical Therapy yesterday and it was NO FUN. Amazingly, the therapist got my knee to bend about 30 degrees before he stopped, because it was hurting me sooooooooo bad that I was crying and didnt want to go anymore. My knee is swollen today and really really hurting, but Im just glad that it bent :) That means I am closer to walking. Which is SUPER exciting.
The PT told me exactly what happened, in words that I understand. My knee cap is supppose to slide up and down in a grove between bones (its hard to describe, he had a knee model to show me on). When I fell, my knee cap popped to the left OVER the bone. So the muscles on the right side of my knee are all messed up. And now, when I bend my knee, it is trying to go back over the bone it went over when I fell. And that is why it hurts like all get out when I try to bend it. So, my PT is basically trying to get my knee cap to go where it is suppose to go when I bend my knee...

Okay, I have class in 30 min and it takes me 15 to get there from here...

I hope things are going well in Portland, Germany, Arkansas, Georgia, Colleyville


I think and pray for you all daily