Wow, I got a huge sign today. Not only did this sign make me feel like I am in the right place, but it also reinforces my feelings that I am in the right major.

Today, as I was walking out of my Technology in Education class, I turned the corner in the new Education building, and was face to face with a big painted portrait of Belinda Smith.

For those of you who may not know, Belinda Smith was a very important person to me and to most of West Houston COC. She was one of those women that all the youth group girls knew they could talk to at any time. And she definitely showed genuine concern in my life and especially my spiritual life. I have said before, the three women that I thank for bring me to God, and eventually me giving my life to the Lord were Belinda, Karla, and Kathy.

Belinda fought cancer for a long time and sadly lost her fight (she would say she won it....) on July 17th 2004. But through her whole fight, she never once said anything about being scared or not being ready to meet her Maker. The only reason she fought so hard was for her two teenage sons. I have never had any hero that was more influential than her.

The best part of the whole deal is that there is a lounge that has a couch,, chairs, and vending machines right in front of this picture. I have found my new study spot. That way I feel Belinda looking over me, Like I had felt on Earth from the time I was born til her death.


Thank you God, for giving me a sign through Belinda, a person who allows helped me to know what was right

So, this will definitely be the most controversial thing I have ever posted on here before. And seeing how most people who read this are COC, I have a feeling there may be some upset people when they read my words, but they are just that MY words, how I feel, and so please respect me for that. I would definitely like to hear what you have to think, but I would rather skip out on a comment in all capital letters, with tons of exclamation points, etc.



So, this is Pink's new song. I found it through a friend on myspace. And let me tell you, it is definitely what I feel about the President. Dont get me wrong, I respect him as a person. And I respect him as the president he was in the past term, but now...Im so ready to move on. Im not one of those crazy political activists, and Im not a die-hard democrat either, shoot, I dont even think I am ANY democrat, I just feel that there could be someone in there doing a better job.

Some of this has to do with the fact that I have parents that are on totally different ends of the political spectrum, it seems. So, when I make my opinions, know that I do have input from both sides...and I thank my parents for that, because it allows me to have my own ideas...and not live with theirs.

["What do you feel when you see all the homeless on the street"]Honestly, there were homeless on the street of generations before, and there will be homeless on the sreet for generations to come. But we all know it has sadly gone up recently. But really, since it seems to be given we will have homeless, I feel bad, but I dont down President Bush for that.

["How can you say, No child is left behind, We're not dumb and we're not blind, They're all sitting in your cells, while you pave the road to hell"] So yeah, my Daddy is a teacher and cannot stand no child left behind. Kids will not grow up with this education plan. Maybe it is different in urban areas, and after spending all summer in such a place, I'll not strongly judge how it is affected them. But, in my neighborhood, kids are just getting babied more than before. And etablishing their own mind has gone right out the window, as well... yucky, this one I could go on for a while, because my Daddy is a teacher and I want to be one too...

["What kind of father would take his own daughter's rights away, And what kind of father might hate his own daughter if she were gay"] Okay, here we go COCers with controversy. This is one of my big thihngs that goes totally against everything that I was raised with in the church. And I pretty sure everyone who reads this (except Cheronn...because I told her) doesnt know that these are my feelings. And one of the most important and influential people of my life reads this, never comments, but I know she read it....and she doesnt know. So, lets start of with the one that won't make people mad. Just because your child does something wrong, when they are an ADULT, you are going to take their rights away?For some reason, that just doesnt strike me as good parenting. You kids, especiallly when they are adults, have to learn from their own mistakes. They are their own people. Yes, while they are kids it reflects on you, but I definitely didnt judge Bush for what his daighters do. They are grown and make their own choices. Here we go, this makes me nervous to even write this. I am obviously in no way homosexual, but I do have friends that are homosexual/ bisexual. And even though I do not agree with it in a religious aspect, I would not be showing them the love of Jesus to just write them off. And that is who they are. Sometimes I dont think people would CHOOSE to be discriminated against, would you? Thats as fas as I am going to go, because I know I am giving some people a huge shock right now.

["Let me tell you bout hard work, Minimum wage with a baby on the way"]Yikes, that just makes me feel so bad for people like that. Thats all I will say about that, its another thing that has been and probably will continue to be.

["Let me tell you bout hard work,Rebuilding your house after the bombs took them away"] Can we pleases get out of there and leave those people alone? I know you have totally seen pictures of little kids and babies that have been blown up and their houses that are not there anymore. And all the AMERICAN men and women that have died. Yeah, there is no contest on that in my heart. Im sure it has to be super difficult to stop it once it has already started, but we could at least try, instead of bombing more...


So, to some, you may have just met me for REAL for the first time. Im sorry if you dont like it, and Im not out loud living and screaming "I DONT LIKE BUSH....BLLLAAAAHHHH" I definitely think he has done some good things, but for some reason, in my heart, the bad outway the good. I have just been raised to have my own mind and not to follow the crowd, that crowed my be church, friends, or family...sometimes it is all three. Im not a Republican hater, Im not a Democrat lover, I dont even know what I am politically myself. I just need to see the candidates, and in America, it always seems to be choosing the less of the two evils.

So, for the rest of this Presidency, this will be all you hear from me about anything. I just saw this video and it definitely struck some cords.

"Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins? It’s not on the calendar, it’s not a birthday, it’s not a new year. It’s an event, big or small, something that changes us. Ideally, that gives us hope, a new way of living and looking at the world, a way of letting go of old habits, old memories. What's important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning, but it's also important to remember that, amid all the crap, there are a few things worth holding on to." - Meredith Grey, Grey's Anatomy

Well, here we go... yet, another transition in the life of Sarah Crowe. But this time, I am very very excited. I sincerely thank God for the opprotunity He gave me this summer. First, because it let me see that I can make it without my parents. I am mvery capable and I cant wait to be away enough to live on my own, but close enough that if something happens, I can be home in 5 hours. Also, this summer gave me friends that lat a lifetime....I have talked to Cheronn every night since I left and that is a huge comfort to me, to still hold on to one of my favorite things from this summer :) And the memories I have from the summer will probably last me forever, or at least until next summer when I can make more :) And yes, that is still the plan as of right now.....

I have started getting things together and packing for the 5th time in the past 4 months. Crazy... I am very excited to get to my room and get stuff up, especially the picture frames of PUMP that I made...exciting to actually have picctures hanging on the wall that i DO want to see every day.

Okay, I should probably sleep. I am suppose to be hanging out with my cousin tomorrow. And it is now 2 am here.... haha, when I talk to Cheronn at night, I dont feel sleepy...what am I suppose to do?!?!

Let me give some "shout outs" really fast:
*Trinity, girl I miss you so much. Thank you for writing on your blog about me...it was so sweet. I love you!
*Sai, Im super glad you havev a blog now so I can keep up with you and all your crazy stuff....
*Cheronn, I just talked to you for like two or three hours...so really nothing to say...love you (we both know the importance of that)
*Kristi W, I miss you a lot...I hope transition without interns is going well....I woulda stayed if I could :)
*Karla, I know you read this :) you arent fooling me. I miss you out of this world. You are amazing (shhhhhh) and I cant wait to see you next. I love you.
*Ike, Man I cant wait to see you in less than a month. Its going to be awesome hanging out with you for a week!!

If I forgot you, I am sorry, but I have got to get some sleep......

Well, it was bound to happen. My first Sunday away from PUMP.

I didnt like it. I mean, I didnt hate it, but I definitely didnt enjoy it. As I sit here and eat a Gogurt, the PUMP Sunday morning food of choice, I reflect on all i was brought up on.


I guess I never realized that West Houston is truly different...

First off, I had to throw away my half filled Starbucks drink, just to get into class. Is this like a right of passage? No, it is protecting the newly finished carpeting in the auditorium

As I sat there in a nice skirt high heeled shoes, nice jewelry...I realized, this is expected here. At PUMP, I did it because I just wasent there long enough to get out of the habit of "Sunday Dress". At West Houston, all I was decked out in today is expected of me.

Worship was good, but yet, it always was for me at West Houston. There is just something about having close to 1000 people singing the same song acappella. It always makes me smile. Although I do miss looking over and seeing Malachi nd Michal singing their hearts out.

Communion, well, kids dont take communion at WHCOFC....and it is weird, how will they learn if they are not taught? They grow up just knowing that it is something that they grown ups do, and knowing their time will come when they are adults.

The message, also good, but took me about 10 min to change my mind to aceppting an ADULT lesson....haha, oh Ike, how I miss your sermons.

Then it came down to what I had totally forgot about and totally despise. Why do we talk about the church's debt in the service? As we have just built a new building, costing over 14 million dollars, there is bound to be debt. And an elder standing up in front of the congregation inviting the newest members to contribute is definitely not my idea of a, "Welcome to the family"

And for once in like my whole life, I was home from church before noon. I just dont feel the same here. I love the people here, but to me, it is just different now. When I talk to people here it is on such a superficial level.Three of the four people that ever really cared about ME and how I am doing are gone. K&K are now blessing others in Portland, and Belinda passed away on July 17, 2004...wow, two years

I know this was just the start of the long search I have to make in the next semester finding a church in Abilene, but it is just hard going back to a placce that I think I know, and realizing that I never really knew it at all...and that I may not even like it.

I miss PUMP, I miss the worship of under 100 people worshipping, but knowing that they are giving God all they have. I miss hearing the kids come down the stairs during Bible class time...and being able to hear their sweet voices because they are so close, I miss Trinity and the way she forced me to try to make her smile every Sunday...and how it felt like I was trying to start loving her all over again, I miss Cheronn and the way she knew JUST what to say...even if it was nothing, I miss waking up in a house where I know there are two Christian people who love the Lord and love me...and the puppy who would give me sweet, smelly kisses every morning, and I ESPECIALLY miss the fellowship that we always had at lunch in the backyard.

Please, dont catch me when I fall. I have to learn to catch myself.

Please, tell my why I found my new life quote on a blog layout.

I have realized, in my life...I wait too much for other to catch me when I fall. Why do I wait for others? I need to learn to catch myself. To rely on God, and trust Him when He tells me to fall...or to catch myself.

I am amazed by my new revelation. I have a feeling that I will be a stronger person for realizing this. At least, I hope I will be :)

Oh geez, Texas our Texas....

So, stepping off the plane...into 94 degree weather with what seems to be like 110% humidity (but really, only around 75%)

Im so glad to come back to...
*My family
*TEXAS COUNTRY MUSIC (and yes, there is a difference)
*Carl's BBQ
*CHICK-FIL-A
*SONIC SONIC SONIC...tell me why I went three times my first day home.
*MY nail lady...hallelujah...that has been a long time coming (dont judge me)
*CyFalls Volleyball
*Last but not least...MY Jeep.... oh man Ive been waiting so long to kick that truck to the curb and get behind that wheel of this wonderful car :)
*A&M window stickers, decals, bumper stickers....GIG'EM AGS!


What I would like to get away from in Texas...
*George W. Bush bumper stickers (I mean, this may offend some...I can namely think of one...but seriously, I respect him as a grown man like I respect other elders...but I just dont agree with him a lot...) Texans are out of control with Republican pride.
*HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT HOT
*Do we think there is any flatter place on earth?
*Misquito spray trucks...oh yes, we have them...and they are loud
*Allergies...mmmmmmm Benadryl is once again my closest friend

I wish I could have....
*A certain little girl, oh Trinity....
*Rest of PUMP kids
*Karla and Kerry (times infinity)
*PUMP people
*Henrys
*BERRIES BERRIES BERRIES BERRIES BERRIES BERRIES BERRIES
*PUMP church in general
*Sugar (the dog, not the food...we have the white powder here...)
*The Gorge
*Cool weather...good grief, how did I live in Houston for 18 summers?
*Flowers that, you know, have COLOR


Houston and Portland are so many worlds apart, it seems. And I miss it...I miss it bad.

The more people talk about heading up to ACU, the more excited I get. I know this year is going to be amazing and I cant wait to get started.


That is all for now, maybe Ill have intelligent in depth words tomorrow....

["Now I've had the time of my life
No I never felt like this before
Yes I swear it's the truth"]

Goodbye, best summer I ever had. I must leave you behind. It is what I have to do. My mind and common sense say "yes", but my heart is still saying "no".

[Im a survivor]

I can make it in Texas. I will make it in Texas. I have survived before. I will do it again. I will....I will make it to Christmas and then get a PUMP fix and then go back to surviving in Texas.

["Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
For parting my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me"]

How do you thank a group of people who did so much for you? Because of this summer and this experience, I will never be the same person again. I have branched out, loved like I have never loved before, and learned SO much since I have been here. I have grown up...and I dont know if it would have een possible had I been with another group of people. PUMP Church, thank you for loving me and for holding me up when times got rough. I could not have done it by myself.

Houston tomorrow, and pardon my French, but it SUCKS. I am not ready to go and when you see tears coming down childrens' faces, it cant help but break your heart. My head is saying, "Yes...school....go home.", but my heart is totally saying, "Those kids love you, and you love them...they need you....this is home now too." I now what I have to do, but will the doubts and fears of leaving subside? Will the tears dry?


["Be still and know...that I am GOD"]

Overall, this song below this statement is what I have to do. If I choose not to do this, I choose to make my time away from PUMP a whole lot harder (wink wink, PUMP people....choice language :)

My heart, my mind, my body, my soul
I give to You, take control
I give my body a living sacrifice
Lord, take control, take control

I surrender my life into Your hands
Nothing less is what my soul demands
Only You can satisfy my soul
Oh my Jesus, come, take control

As my best friend tries to be there for me during my time of sadness and confusness (is that a word?) She wrote these words for me..

"i left part of me there in that parking lot that day. but then again, that's what our lives are all about. leaving part of us behind where ever we go so that our influence will influence someone else and continue on.

but still, we leave part of ourselves behind and it hurts. it hurts really bad."


I am leaving parts of myself behind. I know Im leaving a lot more than this, but Im leaving a huge part at Karla and Kerrys. im leaving a piece for Trinity, and Im leaving so much it seems, to the PUMP Church, a place where I have felt at home for these past ten weeks.

"You will be here forever...." -Trinity

Oh my, as my time draws to a close, I realize that Karla and Kerry are not the only people I will miss....obviously, I will miss them terribly, dont get me wrong.

But, sweet Trinity. Tonight at church just made me long to stay here forever. How I will miss her this next year of her life. As close as we have gotten these past ten weeks and as much as she has grown, I know this next year will bring tons of changes in there life, and I will miss them. I know it may seem weird to be so close to someone I met only ten weeks ago, but this is a different relationship then I have had in the past. This dear child has brought out the best in me and she has made me realize a step that I need to be taking in my life. Although it isnt the most serious/ spiritual mentoring, I will always remember Trinity Rose as being the first child I ever felt somewhat of a mentoring relationship with. I remember the first time I went to PUMP this summer, she would not speak a word to me... I remember trying so hard that first week with absolutely NO reward. But now, I cant shake this little girl and I would rather not leave her. I know it is something that has to be done, and I can only do so with the hopes of seeing her again really soon.

Cheronn, yeah girl...I know you are reading this....especially since I will write on your blog after this that I wrote about you :) There is no way to really put into words how much I value our friendship. I hate how we just became friends over your mac and cheese toward the end of PSP...why in the heck couldnt you have made it earlier (and tonight?!?!) You are such an amazing lady...seriously, it has truly been a blessing getting to know you recently. I definitely didnt come up here expecting to make such a good friend out of the "adult" group. But, I did and I dread leaving when I feel that we have just gotten started. You bring insight and genuine careness (?) into my life daily and I cannot thank you enough for stepping in and being a crazy friend. I wont forget the many laughs we have had this summer....and there is more to come in Abilene, Texas :) Ill miss you!

Amazingly, God has blessed me with two unexpected relationships this summer. And of the two extremes, with that. And I dont think I can be thankful enough for this experience. I know I will remember this summer for the rest of my life bebcause of many different things.....but the relationships I have established and strengthened this summer are going to be amoung the top things I will remember for eternity.

"And if I stand, let me stand on the promise...that You will pull me through."
As I try to stand on that promise right now, I know there is so much in Portland that I do not want to leave. But, I think in order for me to be sufficiently grateful for this experience, I need to be pulled away from where I am in order to look back on it with great longing to come back next year.

Im going to copy Emily Wallace, except she is better than me and I have like 15 pictures instead of only 5...I couldnt narrow it down...