Obviously I wasent feeling very creative with the title of this post. Haha.

Anywho..this weekend has been AMAZING. I came home yesterday. I got my tax refund check and then went ahead and bought some new clothes and jewelery with it :) My daddy told me that could be my "go ahead and blow it" money. Im suppose to have 1000 dollars in my account when I leave for Portland and right nowI have 1,200 so I am not wanting to spend any of it. But, then last night was amazing fun. At West Houston, we have this thing called the Senior Luau, a party honoring the seniors of WHCOFC. Its pretty cool. There is a slideshow with pictures from the seniors childhood through present, then Dr. Pepper Awards (something invented by the dear ole' Brian Mashburn) where you get like a funny award. When i graduated, I got the "Monster Truck Momma" award because I drive a Dodge Ram long bed extended cab---and its a standard so I could make some noise :). But I stil have mine....thats always the best part of the luau. But for me, the best part was think half of my Kansas fam was in :) My best friend's momand sister came down from Kansas and it was so much fun to hang out with Jules and her mom until like midnight last night. Then, of course, today we had to go to Las Rosas because there is no good mexican food in Kansas. Haha... but Jules' mom and dad are coming back next weekend for Senior Bible day, so I am excited about that. Then they will be back around the 27th for her graduation :) May is DEFINITELY a good month.

I also got a DVD from PUMP with two years of PUMP and two years of PSP on it. I am way excited now. Like not even kidding. I wish I could just jump ona plane and go now. But, I have finals, so I cant :(

I only have to be at school on Monday and Friday next week. Im excited about that. I think I may just drive down there Monday morning and back Monday night since I have a dr appoinment for my headaches on Wednesday. Gotta love going to school only an hour away :)

Okay, I am going to take a nap before we go to Ang's tonight. It STORMED here last night. it was bad so I didnt get much sleep

Well, I am obviously stressed out of my mind...look at my last post. BUT...PUMP is amazing. I got a card in the mail from them today. And for all of you who have been through college. Mail means EVERYTHING. Usually I get mail from Karla and ACU...it was AMAZING to get mail from someone else....

Thanks PUMP friends...I CANNOT wait to be there....44 days!!!

So, I thought I was doing good with this whole stress stuff. Eh, not so much come to find out. Just so much going on. If I was able to just concentrate on finals I would be good. But, I am SO excited to go to Portland that now I am worried about finals AND all I need to do to get ready for PSP. I am still super excited for this summer. I wish I could just close my eyes and it be the week before I left.

Eh, so if you could, say a little prayer for the stress in every college kids' life.

I am very excited though because my Kansas Fam is coming in this weekend for the Senior High Luau...YEEESSSSS

Have you ever had that feeling that you didn't even know the close friend standing right across from you?

I had that feeling today and I would NOT wish it upon anyone. It put awkwardness, sadness, and anger in my head all at the same time. I missed her, but she was standing right there. I wanted to tell her so many things, but would she care? This woman use to work at my daddy's school and use to watch me after school until my daddy got out of football or track practice. I worked for her two summers. She use to take time out of her day to tell me things she thought would help me in the future. She use to make sure everyday during school that I was doingokay after a rough morning practice. We would pray in her office during advisory, before I even took praying seriously. She was someone special to me and now I feel as though I don't even know her at all.

I know for sure I have become stronger spiritually. When this same awkward situation approached me freshman year, it destroyed me for weeks. Now, I shot her an email and let it go. I will not dwell on it, I know God has something planned for the distance and time. I trust it....I trust Him.

WOW. Eventhough there is only 2 weeks before finals, I find a little time to watch TV before bed. Let me tell you, friends...the new teenage girls of the day are totally of basis with their attitudes. I dont think I have seen so many girls cuss out their parents, wear less clothing, and show more attitude than I have in the past hours.

I praise the parents that don't allow their daughters to walk out of the house with "Party outfits". I appreciate those parents who dont even allow their daughters to own party outfits. I appreciate the idea of parents not using foul language, therefore, their daughters grow up knowing that it isnt really the right thing to do. Attitude is the worse thing of it all. It is the trait that is the easiest to follow a female through their life.

I love my parents. For so many reasons. They instilled so many good things in me from a very young age. I think my parents for everything they have taught me. After the age of 5, I didnt even OWN a speghetti strap shirt until I was 16 years old...and it was only to go over my bathing suite while I was floating the Frio River. I had my ;ittle run in with a bad attitude, but my Daddy quickly fixed that.

Im not saying any of this is totally wrong, but I appreciate the parents that only accept the most conservative and classy daughter. With the times changing, Im sure this is going to become more and more rare, but it is the way to be :)

Well, last night my Daddy and I watched the movie of the year. It won an Oscar. What did it win it for...the most curse words? No, but really, the underlying plot, etc was very good. I just dont understand the POINTLESS usage of the F word. To me, it makes people just sound so ignorant that they cant think of any better words to use to express anger. The movie was well put together and I enjoyed it besides the cursing. Definitely shows that racism is not bound to just whites against blacks. Thats what we all think of when we think of racism, right? But, this movie showed otherwise. There was an ALLSTAR cast that consisted of...Sandra Bullock, Brendan Fraser, Ludacris, Ryan Phillipe, Don Cheadle (Hotel Rwanda), Matt Dillon, Jennifer Esposito (from the new WB show, Realated), Tony Danza...and so many more. If there were any more stars in this movie, it would be too hard to even concentrate on whats going on.

Anywho, those are my thoughts about the movie of the year. I like the plot, actors, etc. But the language may be just enough to turn me running from it.

So, on a totally different subject...does your family eat a lot of bacon? I found out today that my family eats a huge amount of bacon compared to other people. Pigs in a blanket, backon grease in beans, bacon on meatloaf, bacon on scalloped potatoes, bacon bits on baked potatoes and salads, bacon is brussel sprouts and broccoli. Hmmmm, I guess it does sound like a lot when you think about it, but other than the salads, we dont do it on a nightly basis. But in order to use that much bacon, someonbe has to cook, right? Seems to me that cooking is getting to be something from the past for most. Why is that? People say they are busy and on different schedules and that may be true. But...when my daddy was coaching junior high football, my brother was playing HS football and running track, and I was playing volleyball 9 or 10 months of the year, we always ate dinner together. Anyone who knew us well when we were still living at home would stand up for that fact. We may have been sitting down at the table at 8 at night, but there wasa always a cooked meal and we always ate it together. That is important to me and to see things going in a complete opposite direction makes me hurt for children who cant remember home cooked meals. That has to be one of my favorite things about my family. Something I will always remember and something I will make a point to do in my parenthood.

That is all for tonight. Happy Easter to you tomorrow!

Has anyone who reads this ever been TRULY happy? I mean, with like no doubts in the back of your head. Ive been feeling that for the past few days. Now yes, there are finals and grades to worry about, but for some reason...Im just not stressin over them. Im going to Portland this summer. There are only like 3.5 weeks of school left. Im at home for three days this weekend. Family stuff tomorrow and Sunday. Church on Sunday :) I know for a fact that all my closest friends are happy and safe because they are all at LTC(oh yeah, if you can be prayin for that). My letters are ready to be put in the mailbox. My mommy is cooking dinner right now. I have an AMAZING roomie this semester. I have two really close friends in Galveston---enough to kee me sane and happy, but prevent complications in judgement, etc like last semester. ACU in the Fall.

I dont know, I was just laying down to take a nap and I thought about how happy I am right now. I havent felt completely happy in a while, and judging by the last year....for good reasons. But, I guess this means Im finally over all the hurt, pain, sadness, and doubts I have had about all the stuff that has happened in the past year. And THAT, my friends, is a good feeling.

I hope you all have a great Easter and spend it with friends and loved ones!!!

Okay, so my xanga readers know this dream. So do my myspace friends. So I figure I should let you guys in on it too.

I was listening to the new song, "Orphans of God" by Avalon. Which is amazing, you should find a way to listen to it soon! Here are they lyrics

"Who here among us has not been broken
Who here among us is without guilt or pain
So oft’ abandoned by our transgressions
If such a thing as grace exists
Then grace was made for lives like this

There are no strangers
There are no outcasts
There are no orphans of God
So many fallen, but hallelujah
There are no orphans of God

Come ye unwanted and find affection
Come all ye weary, come and lay down your head
Come ye unworthy, you are my brother
If such a thing as grace exists
Then grace was made for lives like this

O blessed Father, look down upon us
We are Your children, we need Your love
We run before Your throne of mercy
And seek Your face to rise above"

Okay, so anyways. I guess I have had this dream for a couple of years now. I guess there are many things that concreted this dream. The African Children's choir, the pictures of African orphans who are starving and dirty, the joy on the high school basketball coach and his wife's faces as they look at their daughters. Have you guessed it yet? Yes, friends...I want to adopt an orphan from Africa when I grow up. I want this child to know that there will always be food on the table a meal times. I want to introduce him/her to Christ and reinforce their faith day to day. I want to love on those kids more than they have ever been loved in their lives. I want to encourage him or her to be a doctor, lawyer, teacher, nurse...whatever they want to be. I long to have pictures on my wall of my healthy, energetic, happy adopted child. I don't want to sound like I am doubting God's plan for these kids, but it is extremely hard to try to understand God's plan for these kids when you see pictures of them too skinny and dirty on the side of the street. Maybe they are suppose to save their nation, maybe they are suffering to become stronger. But, when you are eye to eye with a child like that...I dont think anyone can stop their heart from melting.

There has never been a week that I have not thought about what I want to do later in life. I want a child of my own and I want to bring a child away from poverty to a land of opprotunities and I want them both to know that their mommy and daddy love them equally and want both of them to reach their full potential intellectually, spiritually, anmd emotionally.

Well, now you know one of my greatest dreams

So, as I mentioned this morning, I went to the "Women of Faith" thing on Saturday. It was so good. I don't even know how to explain it. It hit me on so many different levels, like so much cannot. I cried, I laughed, I felt TRUE joy. It was amazing. Good worship, good speakers, Avalon was there and did AMAZING. I just loved it and I cannot wait to go back in September 2007 (sounds SO far away).

So many things said were very touching. We did Song of Solomon during one session and well, Im still one of the youngest participants in this convention, I think. So lets just say that whole part was reared more toward the older women...so that was definitely a little uncomfortable. Haha, but still good.

One of the speakers, Pasty Clairmont spoke about "Moving". It was literally the best all around message I heard yesterday. In my life, I know in the past, I have expected God to move to ME. But, I learned this weekend that I need to move from where I am in my life to where God is leading me. I put too much of the responsibility on God. And although He will do what we need done, I need to accept the plan and meet HIM. "Ggod will knock on our door, but He is a gentleman and will not bust down the door. He will wait for US to open the door and recieve his love and grace."

But, in the MANY hardships I have experienced in the past year, I should have been asking myself, "Do I REALLY want to be well?" I found myself too many times basking in my own sorrow and anger. I wanted to stay there. I didn't WANT to get better. There is no way that God can help us if we do not want the help. We must let Him in....when I learned that earlier this year, barriers seemed to come down and my life seemed to get on track. Now, I don't promise people that will happen to them when they let down all the walls. But, it did happen to me and it was definitely a wake up call. God provides as long as we LET God provide. Sometimes we may be stuck in the place we are because we are unwilling to move to where God has provided a better life.

"Strike my heart with Thy Word, O Lord."

Well, I know today is going to be a tough day for those Oregoners. Some that I already love very very dearly and some that I am getting to know and love. I pray for you guys today as you lose those that YOU love. Ive been down that road. Twice in the past year and more in the past that I can think of. And next to death, moves are my least favorite things in the world. Especially of someone so close to my heart.

So PUMP, I pray for you today and hope that in some way the moves of Steve and Amanda bless you guys. It hard to believe that something that hurts your heart so much can be good, but in time, God will give you joy in what He has done.

Ummmmm, I went to Women of Faith thing yesterday at the Toyota Center (basketball place in Houston) and it was pretty much AMAZING. Ill go more into it tonight when I go back to school (only 4 days this week...YES). But, right now I need to finish getting ready for church (Sundays are my favorite day of the week). I just wanted to let you Portland folks know I am in prayer for your hearts, spirits, and the future of PUMP Church to be just as strong as the past.

Okay, so obviously nothing serious has come into my mind lately....

But, Napolean Dynamite is hilarious and just watching this video will brighten your day, PROMISE


Get this video and more at MySpace.com

So, its getting hot now. And usually in Galveston, Texas that isnt a horrible thing. I mean, you always have the wind to cool things down. But, today the wind was just NOT moving and I was about to freak out. But, i can make it through. This summer, I only have to go through about 3 weeks of the DEAD middle Texas heat. HOLLA!!! Then I get to go to normal cool weather. That is cool.

Five weeks of school left. Im excited about that. But, then there is that whole end of the year stressing that is going on. Got my english paper back today and I got an A which is AMAZING. Now, i can rewrite my B paper to bring my grade up to an A....MARVELOUS.

Excited because tomorrow is my slow day and I definitely found the link to the page to listen to Kurt Pickers (West Houston's first preacher) sermons. I am going to be ALL OVER that tomorrow. SUPER excited. I miss those sermons.... alot and m glad I found them :)

There really is nothing of importance in this enrty, sorry.

Has anyone ever listened to that song, "Bittersweet Symphony" by The Verve? Good song, you should jam out to it. I do...I am right now as I write this. Anywho....

Church was definitely a bitter sweet thing for me this morning. Weird, stuff that I thought I was over---definitely NOT.

I sat in my pew. In my spot. Second section from the left, about twelve rows back, in between Susan and my Daddy. Nothing was different today, except for something inside me. For me, communion started being a difficult time to get through when the Bentley's first moved. But, when Karla and Kerry left it just got to the point where I would break down emotionally every time. The first couple of weeks I had to get up and leave, something that just isnt done in my family. Did I not trust God? Was I mad at Him? Or was I just so infatuated with the physical aspect of MY communion with God? I think it was more at first knowing that somethiing that was going on in my life was causing the people closest to be sadness and I just didnt know what to say. I wanted to thank God for His Son, but I felt that I needed to lay everything on the line for Him as well. I havent been in tears during communion for weeks now. Why did it happen today? I have no explanation. Maybe, because the praise team sang during communion and inside I was longing to hear the beautiful soprano that gives me chills every time I hear her :) Maybe it was because since I didn't hear her, I was waiting for her hand to be on my back as I prayed. I cannot say what it was, but I broke down today. They tears came more than they have in months. I couldn't control them, I couldnt stop them. I wanted to----really.

As I insisted on praying through the tears, I begged God to give me closure on something that has been gone for so long. I don't want to long so hard to have something that I know is gone. I do not want to hold onto something that God took away from me physically. As I prayed, I think I got an answer. Karla was there. She has been there for 11 years. But, I think I started putting too much into my physical relationship with Karla. She was someone who was there when I needed her. She was there to pray with me. She was in front of my face. The longer I am physically away from Karla, the stronger I feel my faith becoming. I have to trust in God that He will do with our friendship what He has planned. I cannot trust in myself. I cannot provide God's plan. That is something I must have faith in. His will is being done, evevn if I cannot see it right now.

Maybe Karla moved away because God saw me at PUMP this summer. If she wasent in Oregon, I would not have gone to PUMP and would not be making plans to help those little kids who showed me so much love in the short time I was there.

I broke down in church this morning...just so God could build me back up.

So, I drove up to College Station today to go to a concert. I thought I was just going to see this one guy perform. His name is Aaron Watson and he is a friend of my uncle's family. So, really, I was just going to hang out with my cousins who I usually just see twice a year at Thankgiving and Christmas. Because although I still listen to a little bit of it, I am definitely over my Texas Country obsession. Plus, the more recent the Texas Country music, the more inappropriate it seems to be. So reallly I only listen to the old stuff.

Anyways, we get to this big empty land and guess what we walked in to? I swear, it was like the Woodstock of Texas Country Music. I have never seen so many people in one spot. Luckily, we had backstage passes since my cousins are so tight with Aaron. But, as we sat behind the stage and listened to the concert (so we didnt have to go out with all the college ddrunks)...we sat right in the line of where the Cops brought the people they were disciplining. I think everyone needs to say a little prayer for these kids. I mean, there were girls there that looked younger than me that could barely stand up. It was sad. I wanted to cry. Where are these kids parents when they are out doing this? Do they not ask their children where they are going? Im so confused. It was a good concert. Robert Earl Keen (Father of Counrty Music), Pat Green, Aaron Watson, Cross Canadian Ragweed. And I got lucky and most of them sang a lot of their old stuff...which made it more enjoyable for me.

But anyways, 4 hours later, I am still thinking about those poor kids that will spend the night in a holding cell or will have a premanent record now. Im thankful that I do not feel as though I have to drink to be acceppted.

Basically, that is all for today. Im excited because West Houston's first preacher will be at church tomorrow...YES KURT PICKER :)